The FWB have stopped.... Atleast i think they have...

I am talking to a new guy...he seems sweet...im just not sure i am ready for the leap...

woodenspoon ....how are you? I Love your tat...=)

Well my dear woodenspoon.....

In the heat of the moment...it came out...i told him...and i told him i dont expect much...cuz  i know he loves his gf...

we r kinda friends with benefits...lol....


its horrible cuz...u know of the circumstances...but

i cant help it

=X girls have needs ya know?

As  22 year old i have only told 2 guys " I love you" in tht way u would give ur all for them....
Both guys...broke my heart....i know its a given....

" Truth is everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for"-Bob Marley

I read tht recently and i must agree...

My Most recent love...he was amazing....and I feel he still is...but we no longer have tht chemistry we once shared. I feel we both grew up and started to grow apart....and it hurts but that is life......right? we cant be 17 and 19 forever....(that was the age we got together...) Now im just about 22 and he just about 24....and we are not together anymore....i beat around the bush...so let me just start

We got together in July, the 4th of July of 2004...I met him through a friend, we just clicked....there was literly fireworks...and it was perfect...romantic even....He made me feel like i could fly.....i was the first girl to make him feel like i was "the one"...hed call me the love of his life, and tell me how i completed him...how i kept him sane when everything around him was ging crzy....i had a great feeling...a high if you feeling this....it was estacy...a natural high. I truly believe i fell in love...HARD with him....and i felt wow...how lucky am I...17 and found the man of MY DREAMS....

I have never really been a girl tht likes to go from guy to guy...i rather be comfortable and know one guy as best as i can and settle if possible....thats just me....ive never been one to date really....i dunno why so meh...

so we were good....we never really fought....we went through a lot of things....( wht couple doesnt?)...many tests to test the relationship...and i always felt we did great...i always thought to myself...bring on the next challenge cuz me and my babe can handle it....and we usually did.....so the first time things got...off....summer of 2006....so he made a myspace...(it always involves myspace right?)...lol...anyways...u know how excited we all get to find old friends...right so he found a girl who was biggest HS crush, or gf if you will... and he talked to her...a lot...it didnt bother me mostly cuz she had a kid, and was engaged....so i want worried....then there was another girl....and she worried me...she was his age and beautiful...a girl that...he liked and never had the guts to say " hey...i like you"....

I knew his password...and i never went through his things cuz i trusted him...at tht time he had no internet so he would come to my house to do his hw and stuff....it began to bother me....wheni saw tht he would hide the messages...id walk in and out of my room on purpose to catch him rapidly close the window....and pretend he was doing homework...i have always been a pretty open person....why hide things...if yo have nothing to hide....so he did it for a few days...then i finally said FUCK THIS...and i logged into his account....it so happened...that he sent her a message....and it was really out of line.....

one of those bulletins tht is a "valentine application"....and it broke me...i felt my heart crack....once again i felt like...i was nothing....especialy when the questions ranged from name, number, would u kiss me, and are u taken where would we go, what would we do, would there be a second date....As i read this i get furious it was feb 9th or 10th....and next to the question "taken...he said yes with a sad face.......yeah...i felt down right great....i should of called it quits then....but...i didnt cuz...well i am me....

my mom had surgery day b4 valentines day so at the hospital i still hadnt confronted him....and th fight happened due to something else....but at the end of the ngight he pleded for me not to break up with him...he said he would delete his myspace because....he didnt want something like this to happen again....so he did....he never talked to her again...needles to say....trust was broken.....i felt i had to dig through his things since...and i have always been pretty good at tht....and not getting caught....when i get caught its because i just dont care anymore...i never get caught on purpose.

I even talked to the girl and told her off...stupid i know....its him who i should of went off....so we fixed things...and life went on tht was wht i call FOTY...or Fight of the yr....in March we went to NY...fun...odd at times cuz of wht happened....but fun regardless

2007....great yr...celebrated our 3 yr....it was ah mazing

And in 2008....i got better at digging....I dont know how it happened where i was able to get into his bank account...and again...the only reason i went there was because i began to suspect things....he had lost interest in me...id tell him babe....lets make love and hed say no....now....just from what i know....a guy NEVER says no....and he did...to me..tht alone...pissed me off..., and when i began to ask for it...for weeks and hed still say nah not in the mood, or im tired...nah...FUCK THT...so i went there....

to my suprise i found that hes paying a good chunk of money elsewhere....a strip joint if you will...and i didnt like the fact tht i had seen it for a few thursdays in a row while i am in my class doing a lab hes out gettinga dance, hed have a lie set up for me....hed tell me tht he was with friends...and i was cheated on in the past so i cldnt let him get it over with....he was acting odd...and i went through his things...and i texted a friend of his...supposably who he was with last thursday...tell me why he never replied but my then bf got defensive and said...we need to talk...in person...i kept saying ur gonna break up with me right...just do it...tell me what i did and he said in person.....so i went later on and we talked...and it was mostly him putting me down...this whole time hes thinking i know nothing about the strip joint...so after he calls me boring, and expensive...among other things...i ask him if hes done...and hes being strong the whole time....didnt cry, or anything...he also told me he had to focus on school and tht i was a distraction....so i told him

" so im expensive,boring and a distraction....does this mean ur gonna save ur money from spending it on strippers too...?"...BUST...right

we broke up for about 2 weeks tried again but.... it just was off...weird...he dint want me....and we broke up 2 weeks after....and i stayed single for about 7 months....I was house bound for about 3 months....i didnt want anything else...i just wanted to stay home...till one night i went out...and i also found out he was having fun....dating even...he had already brought a girl to say over at home......later i find out...shes a stripper....every mans fantasy...they went out for a bout a month...and i guess while he was with her...he realized how much he missed me....or how much i was worth....he had a accident and it scared me..i was there...as a friend...but..it started to get questionable...and we tried again....got back in the beggining of Nov of 2008.....

i swear it didnt last long....the happy we r back together times...later on...he left himself logged into his email at my place...and there was a supicious email...so i followed it...and it lead me to a site tht ws basically wht u call a sex community.....where one goes there to pay for sex....so not only had i let him slide by with a girl he once liked, strippers but now..hookers...hos stupid in love i was right?...it gets better...i comfront him....and he claims its the first time.....a week later...i find out...tht th "first" was actually the third.....like i said...i got better at digging....

he delted tht cccount...we tried...truth is...i was a scorned girl, i cldnt get over it...i cldnt trust him....he asked me for certain things in the bedroom and i cldnt do it....mostlybecause i knew i had competition...and i was already feeling lower then dirt.....compare me the girl tht hasnt done anything with anyone but him....to the girls who FUCK and DANCE for a living.....

ha...i was sure to be bad.....and i was more afraid...hed tell me...try....and i cldn.t.....so i gave him a ultimatum...i told him...get tested for me....we can go together....and he didnt want to...not to mention...he stopped keeping his word on the things he had promised when he had got caught messing around....we didnt even make it to long

we broke up in march....more his decision then mine...i love him..i do...but i dont see it working out

maybe i wasnt enough...and maybe ill never be

but i refuse to lower my standards to please you...

love me for me, take me as i am...or fuck off....

im over it...

there u go...i left out stuff...but tht is the jist...